Shit Kayakers Never Say | Rapid Magazine | Rapid Media
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A kayaker sits in an eddy in an orange creek boat. iStock

The phrases you will likely never hear from a whitewater paddler

“I can’t wait to get a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife who doesn’t understand my kayaking obsession.”

“I have so much money these days.”

“I’ll go with the small poutine instead of the large.”

“Duct tape can’t fix that.”

“Station wagons are so lame.”

“I never bother to boof.”

“I never get scared anymore on the river.”

“I’m so tired of having a mullet.”

“I can’t wait to get an office job.”

“These gaskets are just too flush.”

“There were so many girls at that kayaking party.”

“I never mess up the shuttle.”

“Gas prices are awesome right now!”

“I’m super organized and never leave my gear strewn on the ground like an explosion went off in my van.”

“Beer tastes so good from my booties.”

“I wish I could trade these Chacos for some sharp-looking penny loafers.”

“I’ve never struggled once putting on my skirt.”

“I’m not really into stouts.”

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